Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
