I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
