I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
