the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
