hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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