theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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