Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
