You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
