these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
