The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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