Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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