did you get engaged???
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
pray to the hookup gods
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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