I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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