I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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