Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
