Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dignity is for republicans.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And then my night got REAL pukey
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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