Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
