Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
