it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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