Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
