its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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