im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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