I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
