First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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