DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
