you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
