I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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