I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
