i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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