Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
