I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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