Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
