Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
