i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
