Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
