no you cant smoke seaweed
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
