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Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
