Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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