Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
