remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
