'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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