theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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