I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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