fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
