We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
