Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
