omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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