he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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