so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
