Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
