So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
