i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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