fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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