It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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