Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
