I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
