Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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